LONG TIME NO SEE!

O'Right, I'm finally online. After 2 weeks of MIA-ing, but ohwell, the cyberspace is SO.POOPOO.BORING, and I don't really fancy being online anymore. Gah, 30 days to mids! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT OOOOOOMG.

23 unread emails :O

Anyway, I wouldn't be online that pretty much anymore (yea I know I'm seldom online now even). So many things happened recently and I've been thinking alot alot. And again, self-doubt :|

How I doubt my competency, capability, worthiness and even myself. I don't like the present Tabitha. This me you all know now is someone I told myself I wouldn't be in my secondary 2 days. 'Cause this Tabitha sucks totally and I can't change the way I am, no matter how hard I try. I know all my flaws and absolutely hate the times when I was unreasonable, wilful, plus all the negative shit, but I just couldn't do otherwise. I couldn't pull myself outta this big mess. Often, I get so affected by everything and everyone around, so bad that I get the feeling I'm losing myself. And this big big world doesn't revolve around me; so many things which were supposed to be within my control are obviously beyond it.

I just wanna wash my hands of everything and be the simple girl who has a simple life, with real friends around. Perhaps, I should be my Utopia now. Someone who doesn't have to be mindful of anything, not bothered by whatsoever, and someone who is free from all this shit. What an awful feeling, what an unfeeling world, what complicated shit.

I'm gonna find and be the Tabitha I'd wanted to be in secondary 2/

I can't be everything nice like how Powerpuff Girls are, 'cause there's always this Devil in every single one. BUT, I'm not gonna let it win, not gonna let it have its way. This may sound senseless, ridiculous, but I'm tired of it all.

I see everyone as good, nice, and REAL.
So zhen1 cheng2, so lovely, so true to me.

YET EVERYTIME, many people would come up to me and say A is sucha bitch, B is sucha jerk, C is dotdotdot. Tada! The beautiful images are shaken but not ruined, yet. Only when I see/feel for myself that all the hearsay are true, then ABC would be HUAI REN. But that's only after I'd struggled with myself to self-convince that they're no longer real, no longer the HAO REN I knew. And I'm still holding on to the many beautiful images :] MAINTAIN IT, PLEASE.

Ugh.

INSECURITY.
*

I'm gonna turn my life around when times are tough, 'cause kites fly highest against the wind, not with it. But what if, the string is snapping?

ALL IT TAKES.

我不要变得小小的 找不到自我
好象被什么人放在口袋 没天空
*
Anyway, I'm glad I've let all these shit out. To seek for the real me is gonna be a mission accomplished soon I hope :)

Azri is out of coma :D
Got FangJie to help us bring the paper cranes to him today.

Msg from Azri & family: Thank you all for the cranes, the sincerity is appreciated.

He's alot better but the left side of his body is still paralysed and his speech is still slightly affected. Hope the cranes do help :) Once again, much love and thanks to all who helped and the many well wishes!

All good things come to an end, NOT!

Next thing up,
study study study and get things going again.

Bye earthlings!

I FEEL SO.